What a crummy week. Actually. so far this has been a crappy month. I miss my grandma. I miss my family. I miss having everyone in the same town. I miss Chell. I miss Jen. I miss having someone to call and talk to everyday. I miss Trish. I miss the relationships that i used to have. I guess I am just not in a great place this year. I miss weighing less. I miss not being excited about Christmas. I had to ask my mom to come over and help me decorate for Christmas. i love Christmas. I am so overwhelmed by everything in our lives right now. I am overwhelmed by the construction.. I am overwhelmed by the furnace breaking and leaving it 50 degrees in my house. I am overwhelmed by Christmas shopping. I am......feeling a little lost. Chell said something about not having goals and i think that there is definitely something to be said for that. If you have no goals you have nothing to work towards, nothing to look forward to, nothing to be sure of. Guess i best move myself out of this melancholy and figure out some goals in my life. First things first we will be making almond roca tomorrow. Good way to start the holidays but bad way to start the move back to "happy-weight".

My grandma

This is my grandma. She is Keegan, Konley, Jack, Tristan, Sophia, Lillie and Reid's great-grandma. Right now is she is happy and healthy and dancing with our other grandma's up in Heaven. She is so very missed down here. But we are all so grateful that we know where she is. Grateful that she is no longer struggling. Grateful that she was the kind of grandma that would get down on the floor and play a board game, that would let an 8 year old jump rope in the kitchen, that loved the boynton kitty "love to eat them mousies" poster, loved her coffee in the morning, would drive 6 hours with g'pa to college graduation, that made a christening gown out of her wedding gown to share it with us all, that shared stories, that taught us to make almond roca (next week, gram) and loved us ALL to the very end. My heart aches. It hurts everytime I think of it, but I know, know, know that my grandma is in an amazing place. It only hurts to know that she's no longer here. No longer where she can talk back to me when I talk to her. She was only 42 when I was born and I am so lucky to have had her.